My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
what day is it and did you see me today?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
