I am in a vortex of obligation.
Sober January is a disaster.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize