So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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