you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
