i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
