He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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