Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
