the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
