I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
