i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Randomize
