he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
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what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
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You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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