I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
