so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i may or may not be watching the land before time
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
