If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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