somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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