My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Randomize
