So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
