I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
