is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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