dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
