I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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