Buhtt sex?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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