escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
