I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
