he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
