some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
