I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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