I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
