Its about making memories worth repressing
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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