who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
