My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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