I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
