If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
