At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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