3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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