girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
