Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
