it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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