with your own penis?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
