First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
