He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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