Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
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Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
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I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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