Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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