Why are handjobs necessary in class?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
