I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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