I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
