Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
