Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can you bring me the toilet please
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
