He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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