It's Friday. Sex?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
