guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
