Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
