I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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