The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
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It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
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You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.