I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas