I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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