Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
In other news, I just burned my penis
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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