And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
