I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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