I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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