This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
