last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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