I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
