I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
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Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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