dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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