I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
