i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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