Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
