WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
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Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
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pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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