Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
