Swine flu. Run for my life!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
