If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This is my gift to your gina
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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