I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
