well you can't waste a boner
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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