My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
