you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
