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he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
