woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
