I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
