we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
