Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
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