so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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