I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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