so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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