dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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