you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
