do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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