just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
