if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
