Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
