Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
