3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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